


Shinigami no Shizuka

by Angelchexmex



Category: Naruto
Genre: Angst, Canon-Typical Violence, Fluff, Gen, Genderfluid Character, Genderqueer Character, Growing Up, Hurt/Comfort, OC, Self-Insert, Tragedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-04
Updated: 2018-11-03
Packaged: 2019-08-17 09:57:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,497
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16514144
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angelchexmex/pseuds/Angelchexmex
Summary: Shizuka didn't exist, if nothing else she knew this. She also knew that for now she was the younger sister of Uchiha Shisui, she did not ever want to be a ninja, and she was in for a wild ride. After all, being in a coma that put her in the world of the Naruto manga, things were bound to get crazy.God she hoped she was just in a coma.





	Shinigami no Shizuka

**Author's Note:**

> So this is something I've been thinking about doing for a while. I love self-inserts, I think they can be so much fun so here is my self-insert. It's indulgent of me and I enjoy it far too much, i hope at least one other person will too. Please let me know!
> 
> As with all my posted WIP fics this month, the first person to write a comment will get a one-shot of their choosing if they so desire!

I don't exist. That was the first thing Uchiha Shizuka could remember thinking clearly. The thought came to her as she picked at the soft green blanket she curled up with every night. Or maybe she was always wrapped in it, time didn't really mean much. Most things were just a hazy expanse of feeling and need and the occasional thought that was too incorporeal to stay.

All of that should have led her to her conclusion sooner, but it had been so much easier to simply float. In most dreams it was simply easier to float and not question what was going on. But, in this moment of absolute clarity with the soft feeling of her blanket burning through her hand, she had her first clear thought.

I don't exist. Shizuka let go of her blanket, the small, chubby fist moving with her mental commands but so very disconnected from her mind. She wasn't supposed to look like this, she wasn't supposed to have a green blanket, she wasn't supposed to be somewhere so warm.

If none of these things were supposed to be true, then what did that make the world? Nothing exists. Shizuka thought, and the idea didn't scare her. Of course dreams didn't exist and nothing in them did. What she felt was most likely her lover's pyjamas. It was winter after all.

"Shizuka, Shizuka darling, it's time to wake up." Shizuka frowned, the muscles pulling on her face in a way that made her acutely aware of them. It seemed so hard to make her face move like that. "Oh Shizuka you're already awake. You should have called for Mommy. She would have gotten you sooner, yes she would."

'Mommy' continued to coo at Shizuka and she had the vague feeling that this was why she knew her name. 'Mommy' always called out for Shizuka, she was Shizuka. She hadn't always been. But then, who had she been? She'd been someone else, somewhere else.

Shizuka felt herself being lifted up, away from her soft green blanket at the too warm place she had been before. She began to squirm; she hadn't liked the warm but it was better than this sudden chill. In the shock of temperature change, she completely forgot her previous train of thought.

It didn't matter anyway; nothing here mattered because nothing here existed. The cooing from above didn't abate, but the words became more complicated and Shizuka lost track of what was being said. Something about that was odd. Something about how 'Mommy' spoke was strange. Shizuka couldn't put her finger on it however, and soon she let it go.

She was wrapped in warmth once more and was being fed some kind of liquid. She hadn't even realised she was hungry. As she sucked, the motion lulled her back into that haze where nothing really mattered and she let it. Maybe she could get another few hours of sleep before she had to wake up for work.

The next time Shizuka was really awake, she was on the floor and someone with a deeper voice was calling her. "Shizuka, Shizuka, look what I brought you!" The voice cheered, oddly soft for all the joy it held. Shizuka shifted and squirmed and finally saw a boy kneeling before her.

"Does my sweet little sister remember her big brother Shisui?" He questioned, tired eyes scrunched up in joy. It was hard for her to make out more of his face with the way light glinted off some sort of metal on his forehead. Either way, Shizuka reached for the familiar man. She remembered Shisui.

After the last time, when she had acknowledged the lack of existence of her dream, she hadn't seen much of Mommy. Or maybe she just didn't remember it. It was entirely possible that Mommy had left just moments ago and Shisui had just returned. But Shizuka had some kind of idea that Shisui had been around a lot more often than Mommy.

Recently it had been only Shisui and a random entourage of faces that faded in and out of view. Well, for whatever recently really meant. But Shizuka didn't let it bother her, those foggy faces were probably just half remembered people she passed daily. They weren't important.

"I'm glad," Shisui beamed, picking Shizuka up and settling her on his hip. She had a much better view of everything from here and was surprised to find that she had been sitting on a large blanket with stuffed toys and blocks. "I brought you a gift today." He informed her, turning away from the blanket and heading into a different room. This one was definitely a kitchen, what with the stove and all.

Now that Shizuka was really paying attention, she could see most everything around her extremely clearly. Everything was almost in HD or something. Well, she had always had oddly detailed dreams in the past, there was no reason for this one to be different.

"Shimi-san, thank you for looking after my sister. Will you be staying for dinner?" Shisui questioned. Shizuka frowned, trying to find the person Shisui was talking to but the big oaf refused to turn around. Shizuka started fusing, unreasonably frustrated at not being able to see what she wanted to.

Shisui bounced her absently before setting her down in a highchair. Good lords and ladies she hadn't even seen one of those in years, decades, eons. Well maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration, but the point stood: she was not pleased.

"Aww, come on Shizuka. Today's your birthday. You should be happy on your birthday not sad." Shisui pleaded, brown eyes wide and doe-like in an attempt to win her favour. Shizuka sniffed once, but didn't cry. There was something so cute about Shisui. She just wanted to pinch his cheeks and ruffle his, admittedly already messy, black hair.

"There's my Shizuka! I'm going to make your first birthday the best ever. Even if you don't remember it." The last bit was mumbled, but Shizuka was pleased to find that she could easily understand his words. This was much better than the barely understood words of Mommy from before. Oddly, Shizuka couldn't remember if the foggy people had spoken at all.

Shisui puttered around the kitchen, humming softly under his breath as Shizuka sat as patiently as she could and watched him work. He pulled things from the fridge and set about chopping and frying, all the while Shizuka simply waited. The smells were captivating though, and Shizuka found her stomach grumbling.

"Little sis is hungry huh?" Shisui questioned, coming over to press a kiss to the top of her head. "You can eat some of this for now, but remember not to ruin your appetite for dinner." Shizuka nodded very seriously and Shisui chuckled, kissing her again before going back to his work.

Shizuka turned her attention to whatever Shisui had put in front of her. Leaves? Shizuka blinked in confusion, reaching out to try and grab one. She ended up with the green something crushed in her fist. Well, it wasn't shaped like a leaf. It was too perfectly rectangular for that.

Figuring that whatever nonexistant food she had in her hand would definitely not kill her and that she was too hungry to really care more than that, Shizuka shoved the handful into her mouth. Her eyes widened in shock at the action, she'd meant to put some of it in her mouth not her whole freaking fist.

Well, live and learn and all that.

The leaf was apparently seaweed. Shizuka almost smacked herself in the face. Of course it was seaweed. She'd gotten into the habit of eating the food back when she'd been living in Colorado. She also hadn't had any in weeks, no wonder it was showing up now.

Content with her knowledge, Shizuka continued to eat the snack, working carefully on her dexterity as she did. "I'm glad Miyama-san suggested seaweed as a snack." Shisui mused, as he ruffled Shizuka's hair, "You really seem to like the stuff."

Shizuka nodded as best she was able and went back to eating. Shisui snorted softly at the little girl and finished up his cooking. "Alright Shizuka, tonight is stir fry, rice, and the biggest mochi you will ever see."

Shisui placed two little plastic bowls in front of Shizuka. One was filled with rice and the other mashed up vegetables, or what Shizuka assumed were mashed up vegetables. "I know I've gotten better at cooking other foods, but nothing will ever beat the memory of our first month of pure stir fry."

Shizuka looked at her brother curiously, they'd had a month of only stir fry? When had that been? "So judgemental," Shisui teased, misreading Shizuka's expression. "It's not like Mom or Dad had much time to teach me how to cook you know, with the war and all." Shisui looked away, face loosing it's cheer.

Shizuka banged her hand in her little highchair table, because she didn't like that look, not at all. Shisui turned and gifted Shizuka with a soft smile. "You're right, I shouldn't be thinking about that. We have more important things to do. Like celebrate your first birthday!"

Shizuka nodded, although this time his words caught in her mind. I'm one today. She mused to herself, letting Shisui feed her absently while she focused on that knowledge. She was sure there was a lot a therapist could say about the fact that she dreamed about being a little baby with someone to take care of her. Thank goodness she'd never been to a therapist before. Although, it was possible talking to a professional could have helped her with a lot of her problems. Shizuka pushed the thought aside, like hell she was going to spill her guts to a stranger. Like. Hell.

"You ate it all! Well done," Shisui praised, breaking through Shizuka's revere. "Guess that means it's time for dessert!"

Shizuka clapped her hands in excitement. Dessert was the best! Shisui set a plate down in front of Shizuka, who promptly froze. What even was that?

It was big, like whole plate sized big. It was blobby, like home made goo blobby. It was purple? Shizuka looked up at Shisui, who had the most adorable encouraging look on his face, and then back down at the thing again. Well, go big or go home.

Shizuka reached out to touch the thing, and promptly smacked it with her whole hand. Shisui burst out laughing and Shizuka glared at him as he bent half over trying to catch his breath. "That was brilliant." He chuckled eyes far brighter than they had been since he picked Shizuka up.

Well I guess that's alright, Shizuka thought with a huff, as long as it makes him happy.

"Like this Shizuka," Shisui reached around her to tear open the thing slightly and reveal ice cream inside. Shizuka blinked once, long and slow, before realising what it was. It was mochi! Shisui had said something about a huge mochi earlier, and this was it!

Shizuka happily dug in, pausing only when Shisui would stop her to prevent brain freeze and clean up her sticky mess a bit. The second time this happened, Shizuka realised Shisui wasn't eating any. Pouting, because delicious food was always meant to be shared and enjoyed by all, Shizuka held some up to Shisui.

"Is that for me?" He questioned, pointing to it. Shizuka just thrust it at him a little more insistently. "Why thank you." Shisui grinned and used his own fingers to scoop out the ice cream and eat it. After that Shisui dug in as well.

This isn't so bad. Shizuka thought later, curled up with her big brother and wrapped again the soft green blanket. Who cared if there were probably a thousand and one mental issues behind this specific dream, it was nice and Shizuka was going to relax in it for a little while longer. After all, what could go wrong in a dream?

Shizuka wanted out. She wanted to be awake. Of all the things she had signed up for, kanji practice inside her own dreams was not one of them. She was blaming it on the weekly kanji quizes she had to take. She couldn't even remember how many of those she had gone through in the past years, only that it was so many she was apparently practicing them in her dreams now.

With careful precision, Shizuka picked up the paper and dropped it on the floor. "Shizuka please," a slightly exasperated voice pleaded. "I know you hate this but you have to learn."

Shizuka turned her head to stare at her tutor. She didn't have to do anything. Shisui said she never had to do anything she didn't want to and next time Shisui came back she'd be informing him of her desire to quit kanji, with a note written in perfect hiragana to emphasise the uselessness of kanji.

Shizuka had finally figured out what was bothering her about how everyone talked: it was all in Japanese. Honestly, she should have figured it out sooner, but it was actually a rather good thing. They say once you start dreaming in another language you're close to mastering it after all. That didn't make kanji any more fun though. Not. At. All.

"You only have three more Shizuka-chan, please just get through these and we can move on to history," her tutor pleaded, Shizuka narrowed her eyes at the man who was her writing tutor. He couldn't promise her that, only her history tutor could.

Shizuka turned suspicious eyes on the only other person in the room. The woman snorted at Shizuka's narrowed eyes. "Finish your kanji and the rest of your lesson will be history," she assured.

Pleased, Shizuka picked up her brush and began working. Now, Shizuka hated actual history, it bored her to tears most times, but this was no normal history. This was anime history. Who didn't want to spend hours learning about the ins and outs of Konohagakure? It was the best, and also vaguely terrifying that she held so much knowledge. Talk about a nerd.

Finishing off the final kanji with a flourish, Shizuka turned to her history tutor expectantly. "I can see where I'm not wanted," her writing tutor muttered sullenly, but Shizuka just waived him off. At first she'd found it odd that her tutors were all so young, well Shizuka thought they looked young but that meant they could be anything from ten to eighteen, but she'd come to accept it. Whatever worked in the end and all that jazz.

"Well, we're finally getting to current events," Nakara-san began, picking Shizuka up when she raised her arms. That was also something Shizuka learned and loved. Almost everyone was willing to pick her up if she stared up at them long enough and extended her arms. It was awesome. "Today we'll be learning about the Third Great Shinobi War, which will, hopefully, be coming to an end soon."

Shizuka sat with rapt attention, listening to everything Nakara-san had to share, starting from the increasing skirmishes the ninja villages had seen and getting into the actual declaration of war before Shisui burst through the door.

"Uchiha-san!" Nakara-san broke off her story, arms wrapping a bit tighter around Shizuka as she hopped up and slid away from the door, Shizuka's writing tutor already in a fighting stance between them and the door. "Is everything alright Uchiha-san?" The writing tutor, Hatano-san, questioned as he relaxed his battle ready stance.

That was something else Shizuka had learned after her first birthday. She was apparently the younger sister of Uchiha Shisui, how fitting. She'd always been the kind of person who preferred to be adjacently important instead of directly so. Being an Uchiha felt mildly questionable, what with all the anger going around that clan, but Shizuka figured she could be worse off, at least she wasn't a branch house Hyūga like Neji.

"Fine, fine." Shisui replied, voice trembling slightly in a way that implied the exact opposite. "I need Shizuka, give her to me."

"Uchiha-san you're covered in blood." Nakara-san protested, voice soft and careful in a way Shizuka had never heard before.

"Right, right," Shisui mumbled. Shizuka squirmed, trying to catch sight of her brother, but Nakara-san simply adjusted her hold.

The sound of metal hitting the ground and cloth moving around hit Shizuka's ears, but she knew she wouldn't be getting down until Nakara-san was good and ready, so she stayed still and waited. Her patience paid off when a few moments later Nakara-san moved forward and finally handed her over to Shisui.

Shisui looked awful. His shirt was off and had clearly been used to hastily wipe blood off his hands and face before being discarded on the wooden floor. His chest was covered in bruises and at least one sewn up cut. Shizuka whimpered at the sight. "Shh, shh Shizuka," Shisui whispered, one hand coming up to cradle her skull and pull her head into his shoulder. "I'm alright, I'm okay."

The smell of blood now directly under Shizuka's nose begged to differ, but she let Shisui lull her anyway. "Nakara-san, Hatano-san, you can leave for the day." The two genin looked at each other then Shisui before nodding and leaving. The wary but understanding looks in their eyes made Shizuka wonder again what had happened to their third member and Jyōnin sensei.

"Time for a bath Shizuka," Shisui mumbled once the two had left, hands tightening and relaxing spasmodically around Shizuka's small body. Because it didn't hurt, Shizuka decided to ignore it and let her brother continue. Something had obviously gone wrong and Shizuka wasn't about to point out anything else to make him feel worse.

Shisui calmly and efficiently stripped them both, hands losing their trembling as he went through the familiar motions. The first time this had happened, Shizuka had been more and less calm than she would have thought she would be, if the idea would have ever crossed her mind. On one hand she'd bathed and showered with dozens of people, friends, family, and her partner, on the other hand she usually didn't have someone else's hands all over her body. So, more and less freaked out than possibly assumed.

Watching the blood and dirt come off of Shisui was a terrifying experience, solidifying how little Shizuka would ever want to be a shinobi. It just looked painful, unpleasant, and mentally scarring. Shizuka patted her brother's chest gently, trying to get his eyes on her. She wasn't sure what she'd do from there, maybe something silly, but she never got the chance.

Shisui practically full-body flinched away from her before settling and when his eyes finally met hers she realised the problem. Her brother had the Mangekyō Sharingan. Shizuka breathed in once and began crying.

"Oh Shizuka," Shisui whispered softly voice trembling as he pulled the little girl close, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to scare you."

They stayed like that for a while, Shisui soothing Shizuka until she quieted. It was only when the warmth of the bath and Shisui's gentle rocking motions had Shizuka half asleep that Shisui himself began to cry. Shizuka did her best not to react, worried that Shisui would try and stop himself if she did.

Shizuka didn't know how long they stayed in the bath, only that eventually her fake sleep turned to real sleep and the last thing she remembered was Shisui pressing a kiss to the top of her head and promising to keep her safe.

When Shizuka next awoke, she was overly warm and sweating. Not only had Shisui wrapped her in her green blanket, the one thing she took everywhere, he had also curled around her and then pulled blankets over the both of them. It was far too hot outside for her to be at all comfortable like that.

Shizuka squirmed a bit, trying to get free without waking Shisui, but that was a useless endeavour. The second she began to move, Shisui woke up and tightened his hold on her. "What's wrong Shizuka-chan?" He questioned, voice rough from sleep.

Shizuka paused, her brother had never added chan to her name before, although many other people did. Shizuka patted her brother's cheek a bit harder than normal, both trying to wake him up and question what had happened to create a change in her name. "Are you hungry Shizuka-chan?" Shisui questioned, soft brown eyes finally fluttering open to look at her. It was a relief to see her brother's normal eye colour. She wasn't sure what she would have done had they still been all red and swirly and angry.

"You didn't get dinner yesterday did you?" Shisui asked, already getting up and moving over to his dresser for clothes. Now that he was up, Shizuka freed herself from the rest of the blankets and crawled her way to the end of the bed. She always liked it when he mentioned the time since she could never figure it out.

Although, dreams really shouldn't have time should they? Shizuka frowned at that thought, something uncomfortable and terribly frightening pulling at her mind. It was times like these that Shizuka wasn't sure if she liked this dream. Sometimes something would happen and she'd turn to her partner to tell the other woman, but no one would be there. Was it really possible to miss a lover in a dream?

"Come on Shizuka, you can play outside while I get breakfast ready." Shisui, already dressed in the standard high collared, black Uchiha outfit with his tantō strapped to his back, stated as he picked Shizuka up.

The little girl curled into her brother, unwilling to continue her previous train of thought but unable to let it go completely. Something was wrong, so very wrong.

"How does some fruit sound? I'm a bit too tired to cook up anything right now." Shizuka took the distraction easily, nodding to show her agreement with the plan. Fruit was always good and for all that she loved the food Shisui made, sometimes Shizuka just desperately wanted something from home. Some mangos or lomo saltado or something. In the mean time, just some fresh fruit was close enough.

The niggling idea from before came back. If she really wanted those things, why didn't they just appear? Had she really known about all of this Japanese food before? How did her mind come up with so many things she couldn't remember learning about?

Shizuka whimpered at those thoughts, burying her face in her brother's now clean shoulder. It had been covered in blood before, so little blood with such a strong sent. How much more had there been before? How much blood did her brother wipe off before he came home?

"Look Shizuka, butterflies." Shisui shifted his hold on Shizuka so she was forced to look away from his shoulder. Before her stood the entire expanse of the Uchiha District. Shinobi jumping from rooftop to rooftop and civilians walking about in the streets happily. A few waved at them and Shisui waved back.

It wasn't often that Shizuka went outside, and even rarer that she met someone who wasn't one of her tutors. "There," Shisui stated, pointing away from the people and towards a patch of flowers Shizuka had helped him plant. Indeed, there were butterflies.

"Let's go look at them," Shizuka nodded her head, letting Shisui bring her closer before setting her on the ground. "Now you stay here, I'm going to get us some food." Shisui moved away towards the fence that enclosed their yard. Shizuka heard her brother talking to someone else but ignored it. Her thoughts were too tumultuous at the moment.

She was stuck on some kind of horrible mental loop, mind running through all of the impossibilities of her dream and hitting a dead end every time she tried to come to a conclusion. She'd been in this dream for so long. Time had passed in this dream and she'd had two birthday parties. How could any of that be true in a dream? Dreams were meant to be all floaty and surreal. Sure some things had been surreal here, but Shizuka also felt hunger sometimes and felt warm and cold and all kinds of things. Was that normal for a dream?

"Shizuka-chan?" A voice questioned, so very different than her brother's. Shizuka burst into tears, panic and fear burying whatever adult mind she had. Everything was so very, very wrong.

"Ah, no don't, um don't," the person stuttered for a moment before they released a soft sigh and scooped Shizuka up. "There, there now. No need to cry," the person murmured, patting Shizuka's back and bouncing her gently.

Shizuka continued to sniffle and sob, although she was doing her best to calm herself down. Lords and ladies above none of this made any kind of sense. Now that she had begun really thinking about things and trying to apply logic, everything she had assumed was falling away. There was no such thing as a dream that lasted years, that stopped skipping days, that encompasses all parts of life from the mundane to the thrilling. Shizuka wasn't dreaming.

"It's alright, Shizuka-chan. Everything is okay." The voice continued, but Shizuka was inconsolable. Where was she if not in a dream? What was all of this? Where were her friends and family, her partner and pets?

"Shizuka!" That was her brother, finally someone she knew. Someone who might be real, someone who might actually have been raising her for over a year. Shizuka's panic increased and she started squirming. She wanted as far away from all of this as possible.

"What happened Itachi-kun?" Shisui questioned, plucking Shizuka out of the younger boy's arms. Despite what she had been thinking before, Shizuka found herself melting into Shisui's hold. It was hard to fight over two years of habit, even if Shizuka was only now realising that it really had been two years. Two actual, real, vivid years.   
"I do not know," Itachi replied, and this time Shizuka lifted her head to look at him. He looked so small and young, and so very, very innocent.

He looked just like her partner's younger brother and oh her partner. Shizuka hadnt Even thought of her lover in ages and she might never see her again. They'd been making a family and moving towards great things. She was so close to graduating and her partner had found an actual job. Shizuka had been thinking of buying a ring and now...now it was all gone.

"Shizuka, Shizuka it's alright," Shisui soothed as Shizuka slowly started to calm down. She wasn't sure why she was calming down, if it was because her mind simply couldn't take any of it anymore or if her body simply couldn't keep crying for that long. Either way, the tears began to slow and she forced herself to focus on Itachi.

He really did look very young, and Shizuka wondered how old he actually was. Was he close to becoming a shinobi? Had he already graduated the Academy? How long until he killed every Uchiha? Shizuka reached out for Itachi without really thinking about it, she hadn't thought on the manga very much since she woke here. She hadn't stopped to really wonder about what would inevitably happen to her and because of that many things had faded from her memory. Many more were jumbled up in different fanfiction stories until she didn't know what had been true and what wasn't.

Shizuka remembered this though, the tragic story of Itachi: a gentle genius too broken and kind to survive. If this wasn't a dream, maybe it was something close, something almost like a dream but harder to get out of.

A coma, Shizuka mused as Shisui passed her back to Itachi, a confused frown on his face. Shizuka loved being with Shisui, rarely wanted to be anywhere else, and always whined to be held by him instead of anyone else. I am in a coma and this is my coma dream. It's not real. I don't exist. Nothing exists.

That worked, that fit, Shizuka could accept that. A sense of calm that only came with desperate repression and willing obliviousness settled over Shizuka at this. Shizuka patted Itachi's cheek gently and slowly stopped her hiccuping sniffles. "I am glad you are alright Shizuka-chan."

Shizuka pouted. She didn't really like being called Shizuka-chan, too uncomfortable with something else that was so foreign to her. So different from her average and her past. She patted Itachi's cheek a bit harder in reprimand. "Ouch, Shizuka-chan that hurts," Itachi stated, voice far too serious for such a young boy. Shizuka patted him again.

Shisui chuckled, running a hand through his disheveled hair. Shizuka hadn't noticed just how panicked he had seemed until then. It must have been what happened yesterday that caused Shisui to gain the Mangekyo Sharingan that caused him such panic now. Shizuka felt bad now, about crying like that, but she still hadn't really dealt with the revelation she had just come to. Could she really be blamed for her panic?

"She doesn't like being called Shizuka-chan," Shisui explained, "She's smacked me for calling her that too."

"Ah, I'm very sorry Shizuka-san." Itachi stated with all seriousness, eyes boring into Shizuka's. Shizuka patted his check with the same level of strength as before. "No?" Itachi questioned, one eyebrow raised in vague confusion. Shizuka shook her head. She wanted her name without anything attached to it.

Itachi narrowed his eyes slightly, studying Shizuka with an uncannily knowing glint in his eyes. "Shizuka-kun, I apologise for being rude."

Shizuka blinked in utter confusion, she hadn't meant for him to use a male honorific. Well, it could be worse. Shizuka turned around and reached for Shisui again, she'd let him deal with the oddly serious small pre-murder child.

"Shizuka-kun huh?" Shisui questioned, something in his voice and eyes more serious than Shizuka thought any of this accounted for. "That's okay then. Why don't we go inside for breakfast? I have almost everything ready. Itachi-kun, you coming?" He questioned.

Itachi, who had turned around to leave, turned back. "Breakfast?" He questioned as if the idea itself was foreign to him.

"Breakfast," Shisui agreed, "training can wait an hour."

Shizuka clapped her hands in agreement and Itachi nodded his head slowly. What a strange child. "Alright Shisui-san."

Shizuka clapped happily and smiled at Itachi. It would be beyond interesting to know this child before he became a killer. "Can you not talk?" Itachi questioned Shizuka, voice serious and obviously expecting an answer. If Itachi wasn't sure if she could talk, he was at least absolutely certain she could understand him.

Shizuka stared at him for a moment then turned to Shisui, expecting him to answer. Not because Shizuka couldn't talk, at least not that she knew, but because she didn't want to. The one time she had spoken, well away from anyone else, her voice had sounded so different than she remembered. There was none of the lilting accent she remembered, none of the easy rolling of her Rs, and none of the almost lyrical speech pattern. It wasn't her voice and she hated it. So she simply didn't speak, it was easier that way.

"She hasn't even tried to talk," Shisui replied, leading Itachi through the doors of their house and into the brightly lit kitchen. "She can make noise obviously, and I don't think there's any physical reason she can't talk, she just doesn't want to."

Itachi nodded in understanding, "What about the ANBU hand signs?" He questioned, flicking a few easy ones in Shizuka's direction. Shizuka just blinked, not knowing what any of them meant.

"You shouldn't know those," Shisui huffed with a gentle sort of amusement. "But I hadn't thought of that. If she doesn't start talking by her third birthday I was going to get a civilian tutor to teach her civilian sign language, but ANBU hand signs would work too."

Shizuka frowned, whatever this was, dream or coma or otherwise, she did not want to be a shinobi. She didn't want to accidentally become one either, so that meant keeping as much distance between her and all things shinobi related as possible. "Civilian sign language it is," Shisui chuckled, completely at ease with Shizuka's apparent decision.

Itachi almost frowned at that, his eyebrows drawing together ever so slightly. Shizuka attempted to poke at him but he dodged her flailing hand. Shisui just chuckled at their antics, keeping close enough to Itachi so that the two could continue to interact.

Shizuka was pleased at her expanding sphere of people to interact with. If she really was in a coma, there was no telling how long she'd stay. Better to make the best of it while she could.

From that day onwards, Itachi came around the house often. He spent hours playing with Shizuka and talking with Shisui about shinobi matters. When Sasuke was born, he ran to Shisui and Shizuka to share the news first and once again, Shizuka's sphere of people grew.

By the time she and Sasuke began to have play dates, Shizuka was a solid three and Sasuke had reached the ripe old age of one. Itachi had just graduated the Academy and Shisui was still working as an ANBU operative. Shizuka tried not to think on those two things very often, but it was getting harder and harder not to.

"She's very smart," Mikoto commented, watching Shizuka play with Sasuke. "When will she be joining the Academy?"

Shizuka paused in her game with Sasuke, the block in her hand falling and almost knocking over the tower they'd been building. Who ever said she'd be going to the Academy?

"She won't be," Shisui replied, eyes firmly pointed towards the two children they were discussing. "She wants to be a civilian. Something about running a tea house, or restaurant, or café. She keeps changing her mind."

"Shi, Shi!" Sasuke called, gaining Shizuka's attention again. She smiled at the little boy. She'd never really liked children before, never bothered to be around them very often, but after spending so much time with little Sasuke she couldn't dislike him. He was a good distraction when creeping thoughts of how she was in a coma came crawling back to dig their nails into her mind.

"What do you mean? Of course, she'll be going. She's a strong, intelligent Uchiha and she'll make a wonderful kunoichi." Mikoto stated, confusion colouring her voice before conviction took over.

One of Shizuka's hands clenched around a block she was holding. She was not going to be a shinobi, no matter what. She was going to open a food shop of some kind. Spread wonderful foods to all people and that was her dream. Killing and hurting and being killed, none of that was what she wanted. None of that was what she wanted for her family either, for Shisui or Itachi or Sasuke.

"She'll do what she likes," Shisui replied calmly but with absolute surety. Shizuka cheered mentally, but put most of her focus was on the tower Sasuke had almost knocked over. Her coordination and motor skills had improved greatly, but she still found herself frustrated with how little she could do properly. Watching six year old Itachi do everything from run up trees to fold origami just made everything more frustrating. What did he have that she didn't?

"Careful" Itachi cautioned, one hand steadying the tower that Shizuka had almost knocked over this time. Shizuka flinched, hand loosing it's grip on a block and flinging it at Itachi's face. She wasn't sure who was more surprised, her or Itachi, when it bounced off his forehead protector.

"Sorry", Shizuka flushed slightly in embarrassment, hands fumbling slightly since she still wasn't used to speaking in sign language. "Thank you for saving the tower," she continued patting Itachi gently on the cheek to show her approval and appreciation.

"Of course, Shizuka-kun," that was something else that was still confusing Shizuka. Both her brother and Itachi had continued to use kun when referring to her and went so far as to correct other people on it. Shisui had also stopped calling her his sister, which was kind of odd but not horribly worrisome. Shizuka just figured it had to do with the structure of Japanese sentence where the topic of a sentence wasn't always really used. What wasn't explained, was all the traditionally male clothing she wore now-a-days, but since she had always used to wear more masculine clothing anyway, she didn't really mind. If only it would stop reminding her of how she was in a coma and none of this was real.

I don't exist, nothing exists. Shizuka remembered and her bewildered smile fell away. That thought always made her a bit despondent.

"No worries Shizuka-kun, it didn't hurt at all," Itachi assured, leaning down to pick an excited Sasuke up. Sasuke always loved having his brother around, and babbled incessantly at home.

"Time to go home, Shizuka-kun," Shisui stated, voice hard and colder than she could ever remember it being.

That was the last time Shizuka went over to the Clan Head's home. After that, Sasuke would come over to her house to play and she didn't interact with many of the clan adults. Shizuka didn't really interact with anyone at all actually. She only ever talked to Sasuke, Itachi, Shisui, and her tutors.

It was lonely sometimes, but it was easier to accept that she was in a coma dream when she only interacted with a few people. It made more sense to her that it was all a dream when there were only a few people that were really concrete, because her mind could only keep up with so much. It made sense, and so Shizuka didn't fight it.

Over all, Shizuka's life was actually rather mundane. Shisui and Itachi flitted in and out with seemingly no pattern, and Shizuka never saw either of them covered in blood but she could see bandages peeking out from behind clothes every now and again, Sasuke slowly learned to speak, and Shizuka unknowingly began earning a reputation as one of the smartest Uchihas to be born since Itachi.

Without her knowledge, other things began changing too. There was far more friction between Shisui and his clan than there should have been since he refused to force Shizuka into joining the Academy and Itachi backed him. The other clan heads had started sniffing about too, curious at the rumblings and tension radiating from the Uchiha Clan.

It was because of this, that something completely unexpected happened: Uchiha Shizuka was invited to the third birthday party of one Hyūga Hinata. What a crazy world to live in, that one invite could be the start of an avalanche.


End file.
